I haven’t been myself lately.

These past few days felt as if I was living in somebody else’s body. It felt like I wasn’t in control of so many things and I have been feeling too many emotions all at once. They said it might be because of the meds and the hormones. Whichever the reason might be, it’s taking a toll on me and I don’t know how to react properly.

Things have been going great. Both at work and at home. Our business is also booming and I couldn’t be happier. However, negativity still bugs my mind and affects my mood and behavior. I wish I could react or think differently as I am not the kind of person to deal with things the way I’m doing now. It bothers me so much that I don’t feel like myself anymore.

I have always believed that my triggers are my responsibility and it is not the obligation of the people around me to tiptoe around my feelings, so I am trying my best to manage my emotions better these days. I ran out of things to do in order to make myself feel better and occupied. The podcasts do not work anymore, writing doesn’t help as much as it did before, and binge eating isn’t as effective either.

I don’t want to burden the people around me with my emotions and thoughts any longer. I don’t want to feel sad without knowing the reason why I’m feeling that way. I don’t want to ruin my relationships anymore just because of thoughts and feelings that I don’t even have control over.

Is there something wrong with me?
Am I doing things the wrong way?
Do I need help?

At this point, I am not sure of anything anymore. All that’s left for me to do now is pray and hold on to the hope that things do get better eventually. Even though I know that things are already going well.

I will be better.